This morning I found myself in the shower with no soap. All I could find was this bottle of Secret Cottage: Sweet Summer Aloe & Cucumber Moisturizing Body Wash [Shampooing Hydratant]. My wife happened by and when I explained that there was no soap, she handed me a bottle of Mango Splash [with Moisturizing Cocoa Butter] Hydrating Body Wash.

Neither of these are soap. It is something called a “body wash” (which I think is marketing speak for things that used to be soap). Why is everything now some type of salad soap? If I wanted to smell like fruits or vegetables, I’d go and roll around in the produce aisle at the store.

And when you are in the shower, do you really need to be hydrated or made more moist?

Can you really get clean with this stuff? Can’t I just get a good ol’ industrial human degreaser? Whatever happened to soap?