Troy & Naomi Johnstone

Nunquam Non Paratus


Grill This

If you knew my dad at all, then you know that I was born to BBQ.
BBQ grilling
[Dad and me doin our thing]

For many, the grilling season is already over. But I am like my dad, I am not a fair-weather BBQer. Nope. I will shovel my way to the BBQ and fire it up all winter long. Neither rain..

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or snow..
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will keep me from my grill. Cold, however, will. It is mighty hard to cook food when it is -30.

Once I went out to get a tank refilled in the middle of a snow storm and the guy just looked at me with raised eyebrows as if to say "are you crazy, BBQing in this weather?" I informed him that my wife was away for a week, and with a knowing nod he filled the tank without further questions.

Normally it is a nice piece of meat that graces my grill, but on occasion we slip something else onto the flaming grate of goodness.. like pizza.

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Talk about a great combination of two things I love.. pizza and BBQ. The only way to make this better would be to combine it with another favorite food group of mine, but I think deep frying pizza on a grill might be going a bit too far.

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Best done with a thin crust, grilled pizza is pretty awesome.

Another great food to add to the grilling gourmet menu: Corn.

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Just soak that sucker in water for a few minutes and you are ready to grill.

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This was some of the best corn on the cob we have ever had!
Corn on the cob

Mmm mmm. BBQ goodness!

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Is this for real?

While looking at headlines on the Drudge Report, I came across several about the war in Georgia.

I was reading some news today linked to from the Drudge Report about the war in Georgia and came across one that had a rather strange Associated Press photo... Can this be real?



The caption reads
Russian troops take up positions on farmland, during a search operation outside of the Black Sea port of Poti, Georgia, Thursday, Aug. 14, 2008.
Whoa.. I guess that Russian guy didn't notice Georgia's secret biological weapon: the Giant Stealth Cow.

Either that or it may be a crazy poor Photoshop job of Iranian proportions!

Read the rest on My Way News

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Driving on the Left

Driving on the wrong.. er.. left side of the road can be fun.

Happy Car

While in the UK I rented an exotic European car to cruise the English countryside.

Ok.. so a 1.6 liter hatchback VW Polo may not be a candidate for an "exotic" car in most people's books, but after four years of driving a minivan, just about any small car with manual transmission is exotic. Anyway, I had a blast with this little car as we whizzed down the the left side of the road, got dizzy on roundabouts, and took the scenic route many times (a euphemism for getting lost). Too bad I couldn't have put handles on the top and checked it as baggage for the trip home.

It didn't take long to get the hang of the British roadways and systems. Their roads are in excellent condition compared to Canadian roads, an easy thing for a frost-heave free country to do. They also have LOTS of signage on their roads and road surfaces. Unfortunately, I started my driving experience pretty much in the centre of London. I picked up the car just across the river from the British Parliament and spent the next 1.5 hours trying to learn to drive on the left, navigate roundabouts (which make for easy u-turns should you get lost), and dealing with traffic in a major city. Obviously, I survived.

There were, however, three things that I continually found difficult to adjust to in driving the UK:
1) Getting in the correct side of the car.
2) Knowing where the left side of my car ended. After driving for 20 years sitting on the left side of a car, I intuitively know where the right side of the car is. But suddenly sitting on the right and driving from there.. I struggled to gauge the distance. When driving down a narrow road with parked cars or a stone wall on your left, and oncoming traffic expecting you to move over, it can be very difficult to figure out how far to the left you can go before you smash your sideview mirror. I saw a lot of busted mirrors over there, so I guess I wasn't the only one.
3) It is a small country. I kept looking at the maps at places I want to visit and thought that I didn't have time to get there. Then a local would tell me, "oh, that is about a 30 minute drive." I get a kick out of foreigners in Canada who can't grasp the immense size of my country, but I couldn't get over how small England is. At one point I drove from the west coast to London on a single tank of gas!

Gas was very expensive in the UK. When I left Canada it was selling for about $1.12/liter. Over there I would look at gas prices and see 1.20 and think it wasn't too bad, until I remembered that that price was in British pounds, equally twice that amount in Canadian funds. So about $2.40/liter is what I was paying. Good thing it was a small car.

Most cars there are very small. I guess it is the survival of the smallest when you combine the narrow roads and high gas prices. Trying to drive a typical North American vehicle would be suicidal over there. They would need to use the jaws-of-life to pry your vehicle out of the average town streets.
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I have come to some new conclusions about driving. North American roads are the "bunny slopes" of of the world's roads. UK roads, are by comparison, the black diamonds. Here in Canada we have wiiiiide, relatively straight roads with very slow speeds. UK roads are narrow with no shoulders, winding and fast! Don't get me wrong, it was a blast driving on them, but a bit unnerving at first. Streets in a town are barely two lane, with cars parked on both sides where ever they want. Winding country roads with no visibility and driveways coming on over a blind hill will still have a 50mph (80 km/h) speed limit!

My grand plan for this tourism part of my trip to England had been to have no plan, just drive around to a few different regions and stop to take photographs of the idealized, pristine English countryside. What I hadn't counted on was the roads. Driving in the rural areas of Southern UK are akin to going through a green tunnel at breakneck speeds. The first problem was that I often could not see much of the surrounding countryside. The roads usually had a stone fence with hedge growing on them. The next problem was that when you did see something to photograph there was no place to pull over. These roads have no shoulders, and by the time I found a spot to stop, I was already too far away to walk back.

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Typical road in the Cornwall region. 50mph with no shoulders and limited visibility.


Here are some short clips of me driving around the UK countryside to give you an idea of what it was like.



Roundabouts
Roundabouts were one of my favorite parts about driving in the UK. They are very efficient in moving traffic and you rarely had to stop at intersections. They also have spoiled me a bit and now my wife has to now listen to me complain about annoying stop signs, three and four way stops.

Roundabouts can easily handle many roads coming from different angles to the hub, unlike some crazy intersections that can be found here in North America. You do need to have an idea where you want out before you get on the roundabout. I saw roundabouts having as many as six roads coming off them. The signs leading up to such a roundabout look a bit like a spider, a center circle with lots of arms radiating out.

On a roundabout, drivers inside the roundabout have right-of-way (or is that left-of-way in the UK...). So, whether it is a simple roundabout with only one lane of traffic around the centre hub, or a large multi-lane one on a highway, you must yield to traffic within the circle. This graphic from wikipedia illustrates a more complicated one. It looks crazy, but pick a car and follow it through the roundabout. It is actually pretty straightforward, in a roundabout sort of way.



Why are roundabouts safer?

"The physical configuration of a modern roundabout, with a deflected entry and yield-at-entry, forces a driver to reduce speed during the approach, entry, and movement within the roundabout," the center says.

"This is contrary to an intersection where many drivers are encouraged by a green or yellow light to accelerate to get across the intersection quickly and to 'beat the red light' and contrary to old traffic circles where tangent approaches also encourage, or at least allow, high-speed entries." http://www.drivers.com/article/334/

I guess I need to get on town council to get roundabouts in this town.
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Overall, I really had fun driving over there. My favorite thing to do, was randomly exit the highways and drive through countryside that very much fit the stereotypes I had in my mind of the English countryside. It was lots of fun to get lost.

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Lessons from London

Phones for you

Why did I bring sunglasses?

Why are there not more blind Britons? On a rainy day (and there seems to be lots), 1/3 of the people have umbrellas and the other 2/3 are trying to dodge the umbrellas. Maybe it is a game (see below).

Mind the gap.

Joe is a lousy tour guide.

Europeans like playing games. Here in London a few games in particular stand out, such as 'Find the Loo' (perhaps it is fun to watch tourists looking frantically for a public washroom), or 'Wheres the Litter Bin' (Joe and I walked around for about 2 hours with empty pizza boxes looking for a garbage can).

This Is London

The left is dangerous. Londoners not only drive on the left, they walk on the sidewalk on the left, go up/down stairs on the left, pass on the left. Everything on the left. We were constantly going against the flow when walking or going down to the Tube. Also, you have to look the opposite directions when crossing the street. Almost got me killed my first day here.. Thankfully, some thoughtful chap put "LOOK RIGHT" and "LOOK LEFT" right on the pavement at every crossing in London. Even with the tips, it was hard to remember. Given all that.. I still consistently forgot, and I plan to start driving on the left today! What was I thinking?

WAY OUT

It rains a lot.

Joe is all things to all people, at least in accents.

It is a small world. One of the first people we met in our room at a hostel in north London was from Calgary, 45 min south from home.

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Ode to the Potato

Looks like my favorite food group, the potato, may once again take its rightful place as one of the greatest foods. With the rising cost of other staples and growing suspicion of the impact of biofuel crops, the potato may become a staple for many of the hungry people of the world. This wonder food..

..can be grown at almost any elevation or climate: from the barren, frigid slopes of the Andes Mountains to the tropical flatlands of Asia. They require very little water, mature in as little as 50 days, and can yield between two and four times more food per hectare than wheat or rice..

Potatoes are a great source of complex carbohydrates, which release their energy slowly, and -- so long as they are not smothered with butter -- have only five percent of the fat content of wheat.

They also have one-fourth of the calories of bread and, when boiled, have more protein than corn and nearly twice the calcium, according to the Potato Center. They contain vitamin C, iron, potassium and zinc.

From Year of the Potato - http://www.reuters.com/

May I say that I love the potato in it's many forms. Mashed, french fries, chips, hash browns, wedges, stuffed potatoes, potato breakfast cereal (not yet, but I think it is a great idea), potato bread, potato potato, baked potato, red potato, purple potato, they are all my favourites. I remember reading about how potatoes can contribute to weight gain and that they should be reduced in our diets. I couldn't think of what I would eat each day if I eliminated them! How depressing. I guess I should have some potato chips to cheer me up.

Speaking of potatoes.. I have often faced persecution for a preference of mine regarding potatoes. Most people enjoy ketchup on their fries. Sliced potatoes fried in many different shapes (straight cut, wedges, curly, crinkle, waffle, etc) and all taste good with ketchup. I add one more to that category of ketchup assisted flavoured potatoes: potato chips. Before you run to the washroom to spew, think about it. It is just a thinly sliced potato that has been fried, just like french fries. There is no difference! And stop making that face!

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I have met very few people who share this preference, and many who express their utter disgust. One day at lunch my coworkers were berating me for my alternative food-style and telling me that it is gross. During this very conversation, out of the corner of my eye I witnessed one of my attackers dipping his Salt and Vinegar potato chip into his yogurt and taking a bite. He obviously liked it because he then did it again. I'm not going to mention any names (JRC), but I thought it was ironic and welcomed the chance to deflect other's food borne attacks back at one of my assailants.

For those of you still doubting.. try it.

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Whats for lunch?

With your host, Chef 'Roy.

Good Day and welcome to Chez 'Roy. On today's program, we will be exploring bachelor meals. Our master chef has gone A.W.O.L. (Absent With Our Loot - out shopping with Ellie) leaving me to prepare lunch for myself and Adelaine.

After a quick survey of available ingredients, I decided that today's lunch will be one of my greatest recipes: Roy's Eggs and Stuff.

Just Beat It

First you must start of with some Grade A eggs, preferably from a chicken. I chose four this time as this is a meal for one and a half. Next, crack the eggs into a bowl. Be careful to take out all the little bits of shell that you may have also dropped in.

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Add some milk, salt and pepper, and just beat it, just beat it. Oooh!

Now comes the 'and Stuff' part. Mix in some cheese, pre-cooked bacon and fried mushrooms.
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Unfortunately we were out of fungus today, but as an intrepid chef, I pressed on. As a side dish, I fried some leftover mashed potatoes, another favorite!

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And, voila!
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As usual, our customers at Chez Roy were happily satisfied.
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Western Adjustment :: Part 2

There is something wrong with my radio. It seems more prevalent since we have moved out west. Often after my wife has driven the van somewhere I will get in and turn the van on and the radio just sounds terrible. It is all twangy and bad.



I have noticed that a lot of radios around here suffer this same affliction. Even stranger.. people seem proud of their malfunctioning radios. When I ask what that awful noise is, people respond with one word: "country".

Now, I have lived in rural, country environments before and it has never affected how the music sounds like this. It must be that the land is so flat that it distorts the radio waves or something.

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Western Adjustment :: Part 1

One of the changes that I have had to make upon arriving in the West concerns something I have always taken for granted in my 35 years living in Eastern Canada. It concerns a matter of convenience, and has even been tied to the Canadian identity in verse. Yet it is conspicuously absent here in western Canada. I am, of course, talking about milk in a bag.




Plastic jugs are the dominant milk form here. This adds a certain inconvenience to the late night milk drink as a tall cool glass of milk can not be poured in one fluid motion. With the milk bag, a pitcher can simply be pulled from the fridge, poured out in a glass and returned. Now with a milk jug I must take it out and remove the cap, pour a glass and replace the cap before putting the milk back. Certainly an inefficient way to get tall cool glass of milk.

Growing up in the Maritimes we always had milk in a bag. It permitted such great family games like "Who left an empty bag in the pitcher!?!" and "Where are the scissors?". I remember when this packaging was taken to an extreme as a kid when we could even purchase orange juice in a bag. We had one pitcher for milk and one for OJ. And of course, the inevitable happened one day. Someone had changed out the empty bags and put fresh ones in the wrong pitcher. Fruit Loops really are a little too rich with orange juice on them.

Anyway.. I will stand strong. I will adjust.

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The Length of a Day

December 21 marks the the shortest day of the year for the northern hemisphere. Each day has slowly been getting shorter until this point. So look on the bright side (pun intended), while the days get colder for the next few months, they are getting longer too!

When I first considered moving to Olds 7 years ago to get to know Naomi better and convince her to marry me I didn't realize how far north it was compared to my home in southern New Brunswick. I packed my telescope along thinking I would be able to take advantage of the clear Alberta sky during the summer of 2001.

I arrived in late May as the sun was getting near it's highest and the days their longest. We were tired after a long drive, but we all thought that it was much too early to go to bed as the sky was still very bright. Finally someone looked at their watch and we realized that it was 10:30 and promptly headed off to bed.

I never actually used the telescope that summer as I discovered that the sky doesn't get truly dark this far north during the summer. The sun stayed up much later and even going outside at 1:00 AM the sky is still a dark blue, with the sun not far below the horizon. I could see maybe a few dozen stars..

Of course the opposite was true in the winter, but it gets much colder here too! During that winter I worked in a bakery and often would not see the sun all week. I would come to work before the sun came up and went home in the dark. My co-workers went for frequent smoke breaks, so they would see the sun, but it was also -20 C, and I didn't go outside just for fun.


Olds, AB:
Elevation 902 m

For June 21, longest day of the year
Morning twilight: 4:24 (make sure you blinds are closed!)
Sunrise: 5:14
Sunset: 10:00
Evening twilight: 10:49
Daylight hours: 16 hrs, 46 min

For Dec 21, shortest day of the year
Morning twilight: 8:01
Sunrise: 8:42
Sunset: 16:25
Evening twilight: 17:06
Daylight hours: 7 hrs, 42 min

Owen Sound, ON:
Elevation 222 m

For June 21
Morning twilight: 5:01
Sunrise: 5:38
Sunset: 9:13
Evening twilight: 9:50
Daylight hours: 15 hrs, 35 min

For Dec 21
Morning twilight: 7:25
Sunrise: 7:58
Sunset: 16:46
Evening twilight: 17:20
Daylight hours: 8 hrs, 47 min

Sackville, NB:

Elevation 24 m

For June 21
Morning twilight: 4:48
Sunrise: 5:27
Sunset: 9:13
Evening twilight: 9:52
Daylight hours: 15 hrs, 46 min

For Dec 21
Morning twilight: 7:23
Sunrise: 7:58
Sunset: 16:35
Evening twilight: 17:10
Daylight hours: 8 hrs, 37 min

During the summer Olds gets an hour more sunlight than my hometown of Sackville (good), and in the winter an hour less (bad). Gee.. I would really hate to live in a place like Yellowknife..

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Might as well have bifocals

After eight years I finally got some new glasses.

I first started wearing glasses in grade 8 and I have had the same prescription ever since! Like all glasses at the time, they were huge. They were so big they often pressed into my cheeks when I smiled. I kept those glasses for a very long time and I liked them so much that after several years I bought new ones that were basically the same style. Thats me, always keeping up with the latest fashion.


When I was in university I went to a new, smaller style of glasses (the ones pictured on the left). They are still huge by today's standards, but in 1990 they were "in". In 1999 I again purchased new, even smaller glasses (middle picture). These ones started to affect my vision in an irritating way as the bottom of the frames were in my field of view. I soon got used to it and just tipped my head down some to see things that were lower. Last month I got a new set of glasses, and again, they are smaller still.

Now I really notice the small size. The bottom of the frame is right in the comfortable zone for reading a book, looking at my keyboard, seeing food on my plate, etc. The doctor told me that I likely will never need bifocals, but my newest glasses kinda feel like that anyway. I find myself either peering down below my glasses or tipping my head down lots more, so much so that my neck is actually getting sore. From a distance I probably appear like someone struggling with bifocals.

I recently found my 17 year old glasses and tried them on. The prescription is the same, so I can see just fine. It was kind of like an IMAX theater where the screen takes up all your field of view.. life on the big screen without any borders or frames to infringe my vision. By comparison, my last pair are like watching life on a wide screen TV. Still comfortable and acceptable, but much smaller. In contrast, my newest glasses are kinda like watching a movie on an iPod.

Oh the trials of being a slave to fashion.

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At the Christmas Parade

This weekend we took the girls to see the Christmas parade in town. It was a nice, small town parade with lots of local people involved in the rides and contributing to the festive spirit. It was also the night for the lighting of the trees in the park downtown.



Santa made his customary appearance at the end of the parade, after which everyone was encouraged to head over to the Cow Palace for some free hotdogs, popcorn and entertainment.



While the Cow Palace is a great indoor venue located close to the route taken by the parade, the bovine odor inside was not conducive to making me hungry for the supplied hot dogs.. but I digress. Inside there was face painting, balloon animals and crafts for the kids. There was also some entertainment by a clown and some singing of children's Christmas songs..



..none of which enthused Ellie with the Christmas spirit. That's my girl! Bah humbug to the core.



Ellie's friend Evan was there too and they had a great time with our glow sticks, which Joe and I were kind enough to share with the kids.




There was a very nice choral piece of Christmas music. Following that was a solo by a young fellow singing Felice Navidad.



Also for our entertainment, the Divine Dancers stopped by for a performance at the Cow Palace.



Joe didn't know what to think of the Town Crier as he announced the grand finale..



.. which included a confetti cannon! Cannons are always good.





With that we headed home for more fun with the glow sticks..



which eventually made it into the bathtub! Glow sticks are cool.



All in all it was a fun night out with the family in the (mostly) fresh air.

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How much would you like your paycheque to be?

Who wouldn't like to be asked that question each month? I had never been asked that question before today, but that is what I will be getting asked at the end of each month here at GoodSeed. The catch is that the amount I request is coming from whatever happens to be in our donations account.

Naomi and I will be learning a lot more about budgeting this way.. some months will see more in missionary support than others, so we have to maintain a balance to cover the months that our support will be low. This is very different from our previous missionary experience where two regular paycheques each month were based on an average of the previous year's support and what our support goal was.

This will definitely encourage us to live more by faith as "faith missionaries".

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Ugly Ties

Since I will no longer be having to wear a tie to work each day, I was forced by a certain spouse of mine to eliminate some of my older ties. I did have quite a few as I had inherited my dad's huge tie collection so I had a very respectable collection of unrespectable ugly ties.

I decided to offer the ties (good ones and some of the ugly ones) and some of my other dress clothes to the male students at WOLBI. On one of our trips to the dining hall I took an armload of ties and other stuff to donate. I made an announcement about what I was going to do and was immediately surrounded by wide-eyed, hungry looking young men. I felt like a wounded fish in a shark feeding frenzy with all these guys circling around me. Anyway, after the mad scramble I think everyone got something.

On the Friday of that week I heard that a new weekly tradition had started, Troy's Ugly Tie Day.



What a legacy to leave.

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Holding forth...

Years ago as a student at Word of Life Bible Institute, I learned to sing the WOL theme song, complete with actions. It is a real RA! RA! kind of song and was sung every week at the big Presidental Chapel and at just about every other special event.

Another phenomena that I noticed was that a lot of the staff and visiting WOL missionaries met their wives at WOL.. this was before I suspected that I had done the same thing.

I heard rumours that there was a variation of the Holding Forth the Word of Life song that was about an ugly wife. Unable to find this alternate version, I decided to write my own.




The original version:

Holding forth the Word of Life,
Not by power or by might.
Pressing on to victory,
In the power of the King. (hey!)

We must conquer, we'll not fail.
(We'll not fail!)
By His power prevail.
(hey! hey! hey!)
Never turning back at all,
Obedient to the heavenly call.

So pressing on with one accord,
In the power of the Lord,
Turning darkness into light,
Holding forth the Word of Life!
Holding forth the Word of Life!
Holding forth the Word of Life!
My version:

Holding forth my ugly wife,
That I met at Word of Life.
She is always causing strife,
Oh my ugly, ugly wife! (ugh!)

She can't cook a single meal,
(single meal!)
I got a lousy deal!
(hey! hey! hey!)
Now it's to late to turn back,
'Casue I'm stuck in this marriage contract.

So pressing on in disaccord,
She spends more than I afford.
Please turn out the glaring light,
To hide my ugly wife!
To hide my ugly wife!
To hide my ugly wife!

The first public performance of this song was during one of these chapels. I was only a couple rows behind the Director of WOL International and the other top guys in the front row. Ironically, I was also standing next to the rather beautiful Naomi at the time. There was about six hundred people there, so my version was not heard by many, but Naomi heard it. After a minute she stopped singing the authorized version to turn and stare at me, her jaw slightly open. I don't know if it was because of my lack of singing ability or the words I was singing. She married me anyway.

My brother-in-law knew about this song, so when the wedding came around, he arranged for us to sing my version with a mens choir. So yes, I sang Holding Forth My Ugly Wife at my own wedding reception.

Obviously, the song is quite inaccurate.

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I am a highly attractive person

Yes, its true. I am a highly attractive person. Ever since I was a little boy I have had this curse. I would easily be singled out from a group of others for special attention because of it. It really has been a curse to me.

I am a mosquito magnet.

WebMD recently had an article about how some people are especially attractive to mosquitoes.. and I know that is me.
"One in 10 people are highly attractive to mosquitoes," reports Jerry Butler, PhD, professor emeritus at the University of Florida. WebMD: Are You a Mosquito Magnet?
They haven't figured out why yet, but somewhere there are people in lab coats working on it. To them, I say: Thank you! Keep up the good work!

All my life I could be in a crowd or with just one other person and they would look quizzically at me as I do my masochistic mosquito calisthenics.. arms and legs flailing about, repeatedly hitting myself. I would dread the days dad would ask me to help him outside in the garden. He would work away peacefully while I fought the little dragons. I was never much help to dad on such days as I rarely accomplished more than spreading bug guts and my own blood all over my body. He would wonder what my problem was as he didn't have any around him at all, but if I pointed it out to him dad would notice the swarm of mosquitoes around me, each waiting for a landing strip to clear.

Hmm.. here's something that never occurred to me before.. maybe that is why he took me along.. as bait.

To make it worse, I am allergic to the little monsters. It was more severe when I was younger, but even now I can swell up pretty good. As a kids I would frequently go about the summer looking like a full body case of the mumps.. big welts up and down my arms and legs, on my face..

Once I took a mosquito bite above my right eye and one below my left eye at the same time. Result: blind kid. Both eyes were swollen completely shut. After a couple days mom took me to a hospital where some tricky nurse stabbed my butt with a needle. About 18 hours later I woke up, able to see but rather upset that I had slept through Saturday morning cartoons.

Me at four years old with mosquito bites around my eyes.

Thankfully the allergy has abated some in my.. ahem... adult life. But I can still receive a large welt that will slowly go down to an itchy spot that can last for weeks.

I used to think that mosquitoes were like cats.. they could come into a room of 10 people and instinctively know the one person in the room that was allergic to them, and then try to curl up on that person's lap. Now I know that there is something special about me, the double blessing of being attractive to mosquitoes AND being allergic to them.

I sometimes wonder if I would have turned out very different without this allergy. As a kid I loved to wander through the woods, but sometimes it just wasn't worth going outside. Perhaps I would have turned into some kind of extreme outdoorsman, Maybe my current geekdom is the result of those annoying little bugs.

stark forest woods trees moody Scotland UK United Kingdom nature scenery
Sell photos on photrade | Where the mosquitoes lurk :: by tjphoto

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Towards a Pizza Eaters Code of Conduct

Here is a familiar scenario ::
Five hungry people decide to get pizza. Excellent choice. But a problem arises when it is revealed that two of the five want to have the abomination pizza: Hawaiian. So eventually a compromise is made. For the five people two pizzas will be ordered, one good one and one Hawaiian.



The two Hawaiian pizza lovers (HPL for short) will dutifully take a few slices of their Hawaiian pizza. Meanwhile, the other three good pizza lovers (GPL) look in dismay over their slice at this little pizza that has to be divided by the three of them.

Then it happens.. the HPLs decide that they also want to partake of the good pizza too (it is good after all) and take a slice or two each. The GPLs are distraught and hungry over this grave injustice. The end result of this sad situation: two full Hawaiian pizza lovers, three other hungry people, and four slices of unwanted leftover Hawaiian pizza.

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This is exactly the situation where a Pizza Eaters Code of Conduct is needed. What I propose is this:

Should you be in a group and want a lesser pizza (be it Hawaiian, vegetarian, or really anything not loaded with cheese and meat) you must then consume only that lesser pizza. Once the others have sat back and loosened their belts you may then abandon your lesser pizza and proceed to eat a slice of the greater pizza (Meat Lovers, Canadian, etc.).

Your comments are welcome. Oh, and Stephen Harper, if you have dropped by again, please talk to your guys about bringing this into law.

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Ugly Tie Week

Last week was last week of the academic part of our year, it was also the last week of formal wear. During the summer the office gets a bit more casual (read: shorts and t-shirt). So in honour of the last week of classes, I followed my annual tradition of Ugly Tie Week.


Ellie helping smooth my beautiful tie. People can't help but touch this tie!


The Grocery Store Tie

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Anatomy of a Tourist

How to spot a tourist
Look for these key identifiable marks:
  • Large sun hat (Tilley hats are best and a sure sign of a true tourist)
  • Big camera
  • Backpack for sunscreen, snacks, extra camera gear, plus other stuff for every contingency.
  • Water bottle attached to the backpack
  • Shorts (pants that zip off at the knees are best and a sure sign of a true tourist)
  • Sandals
  • White legs (glowing white if he is coming from a Canadian winter)


Some of the students (Maressa) pointed out that I looked like the perfect stereotype of a tourist on our recent trip to Jamaica.

Well.. if the sandal fits...

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Where is a donkey when you need one..

This morning we read the Christmas story from the gospels of Luke and Matthew. I started thinking about how the traditional nativity stories feature a pregnant Mary riding on a donkey the day before Jesus is born and about how uncomfortable that would be for a pregnant woman (not that I could really know, but hypothetically speaking). I wonder if a lengthy donkey ride would help induce labour.

The baby countdown clock has reached zero today.. but still no baby. Naomi is perhaps wishing that we had a donkey that could help move things along for us.

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Northern Lights in Owen Sound

No.. not the good ones you see in the night sky. I'm talking about the cheesy kind of northern lights.. the annual "lets-dust-off-the-really-old-tacky-lights- we-had-out-last-year-and-hope-everyone-forgets-how-corny-they-were" kind of northern lights. Each year the down town of Owen Sound lights up the Festival of Northern Lights. The displays are pretty much the same as last year (and the year before, and the year before..), yet people still travel from all over to see them. I fully suspect some of the displays are older than me. Where else can you see a Christmas R2-D2?



Or a Santa on a chopper?


I guess from a distance it is nice, in an expensive electric display kind of way.

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You are small - Part III




"...He made the stars also."
Genesis 1:16

It is written almost as an afterthought of the Creation account in Genesis, but when you consider the enormity of what these few words entail.. well, as my dad would have said.. "It boggles my mind."

You are small - part ii

You are small - part i


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For the "I told you so" types

A group of individuals has created a business to make money off Christians in a unique way. They call it the Post-Rapture Post, a way for a Christian to send letters to your non-Christian friends and family after the Rapture when all the Christians are taken from the Earth by God. How does it work? You pay the PRP to send a letter after you are gone. They are atheists, so they won't be part of the Rapture, and they will be able to send the letters to whomever you want. Of course.. you wouldn't be around to make sure they actually did send it..

www.postrapturepost.com

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Incoming Artillery

This weekend there were a number of large explosions in the woods not far from our house caused by high-grade military explosives. If it hadn't been so cold, you might have thought it was lightning that occasionally caused our windows to rattle.. but it was actually just artillery and mortar fire raining down on the country side.

We are about 11 km (7 miles) from the Meaford Tank Range, and sometimes the weekend warriors are out cruising in their tanks or firing off some artillery shells. Transport aircraft will sometimes fly overhead and drop flares at night over the training area. Not the kind of place you would want to trespass... you never know what you might step on..



Two years ago we had a student who was in the reserves and every few weeks he would have to travel to the base to keep up on his explosive skills. While the guys in the dorm were playing video games about this kind of stuff, he was going and firing the real deal.

So if you are ever visiting us here at Word of Life and you hear a deep rumble, the floor shakes and the windows rattle a bit, don't worry. Either its just me hungry for pizza, or its large explosions nearby.

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Wet Pets

We have pets. About thirty-six of them. Thankfully they don't shed, don't disturb the neighbors, or get into your garbage. So far nobody has been allergic to them. They have been proven to lower blood pressure. And, with an automatic feeder, you can leave them alone for a couple of weeks. But the very best thing of all is that you can stare at them while your wife watches a chick flick.

I have had fish as pets since I was about seven, and at one point I actually had 7 fish tanks. Geeky? Maybe, but what was a 14 year old to do when the only video game out there is Pong? Well, besides reading comic books that is..

Anyway, I really enjoy my wet pets, and Ellie likes the "ish" too. They are quite relaxing to watch as they swim around. Even the variety and beauty of fish that God created amazes me.

I keep my fish in a 35 gallon tank I received as a teenager. The rule of thumb is one inch of fish for every gallon of water. We have:

12 Neon Tetras (the small bright blue and red ones)
7 Fancy Guppies (the rabbits of the seas. Will breed like crazy if you let them)
4 Cherry Barbs
2 Rosy Barbs (the cows)
2 Angel Fish (1 black and 1 white. With a black background you usually only see one)
2 Tri-colour Sharks (large silvery fish, biggest cowards of the tank.)
2 Black Tetras (these guys were among the first I bought when we moved here. They are 5 years old!)
2 Gold Barbs
1 Plecostomus (sucker fish - biggest and weirdest looking one in the tank)
1 Skunk Loach (named Freedie by B-rad. Hardly ever see him as he is always hiding. Eats snails)

So.. that is a total of 35 fish.. probably about 54 total inches of fish.. way over the limit. Hope the Games Warden doesn't come by..

[Click a thumbnail to see a larger image]









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Whatever happened to soap?

This morning I found myself in the shower with no soap. All I could find was this bottle of Secret Cottage: Sweet Summer Aloe & Cucumber Moisturizing Body Wash [Shampooing Hydratant]. My wife happened by and when I explained that there was no soap, she handed me a bottle of Mango Splash [with Moisturizing Cocoa Butter] Hydrating Body Wash.

Neither of these are soap. It is something called a "body wash" (which I think is marketing speak for things that used to be soap). Why is everything now some type of salad soap? If I wanted to smell like fruits or vegetables, I'd go and roll around in the produce aisle at the store.

And when you are in the shower, do you really need to be hydrated or made more moist?

Can you really get clean with this stuff? Can't I just get a good ol' industrial human degreaser? Whatever happened to soap?

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You are small - Part II

Tonight I found an interesting slideshow that shows the relative size of the earth and other planets to progressively larger objects.

When you think of the Earth, it just seems incredibly huge, yet it as nothing compared to the Sun, yet that is as nothing compared to a giant star like Rigel, yet that is as nothing compared to a supergiant star like Antares, yet that is as nothing compared to VV Cephei, yet that is as nothing compared to our Milky Way Galaxy, yet that is as nothing compared to a cluster or supercluster of galaxies, yet that is as nothing compared to the Universe, yet that is nothing compared to God!

View the slideshow

The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork. Day unto day utters speech, And night unto night reveals knowledge. Psalms 19:1,2


You are small Part I

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