I am a highly attractive person

Yes, its true. I am a highly attractive person. Ever since I was a little boy I have had this curse. I would easily be singled out from a group of others for special attention because of it. It really has been a curse to me.

I am a mosquito magnet.

WebMD recently had an article about how some people are especially attractive to mosquitoes.. and I know that is me.

“One in 10 people are highly attractive to mosquitoes,” reports Jerry Butler, PhD, professor emeritus at the University of Florida. WebMD: Are You a Mosquito Magnet?

They haven’t figured out why yet, but somewhere there are people in lab coats working on it. To them, I say: Thank you! Keep up the good work!

All my life I could be in a crowd or with just one other person and they would look quizzically at me as I do my masochistic mosquito calisthenics.. arms and legs flailing about, repeatedly hitting myself. I would dread the days dad would ask me to help him outside in the garden. He would work away peacefully while I fought the little dragons. I was never much help to dad on such days as I rarely accomplished more than spreading bug guts and my own blood all over my body. He would wonder what my problem was as he didn’t have any around him at all, but if I pointed it out to him dad would notice the swarm of mosquitoes around me, each waiting for a landing strip to clear.

Hmm.. here’s something that never occurred to me before.. maybe that is why he took me along.. as bait.

To make it worse, I am allergic to the little monsters. It was more severe when I was younger, but even now I can swell up pretty good. As a kids I would frequently go about the summer looking like a full body case of the mumps.. big welts up and down my arms and legs, on my face..

Once I took a mosquito bite above my right eye and one below my left eye at the same time. Result: blind kid. Both eyes were swollen completely shut. After a couple days mom took me to a hospital where some tricky nurse stabbed my butt with a needle. About 18 hours later I woke up, able to see but rather upset that I had slept through Saturday morning cartoons.

Me at four years old with mosquito bites around my eyes.

Thankfully the allergy has abated some in my.. ahem… adult life. But I can still receive a large welt that will slowly go down to an itchy spot that can last for weeks.

I used to think that mosquitoes were like cats.. they could come into a room of 10 people and instinctively know the one person in the room that was allergic to them, and then try to curl up on that person’s lap. Now I know that there is something special about me, the double blessing of being attractive to mosquitoes AND being allergic to them.

I sometimes wonder if I would have turned out very different without this allergy. As a kid I loved to wander through the woods, but sometimes it just wasn’t worth going outside. Perhaps I would have turned into some kind of extreme outdoorsman, Maybe my current geekdom is the result of those annoying little bugs.

Towards a Pizza Eaters Code of Conduct

Here is a familiar scenario ::
Five hungry people decide to get pizza. Excellent choice. But a problem arises when it is revealed that two of the five want to have the abomination pizza: Hawaiian. So eventually a compromise is made. For the five people two pizzas will be ordered, one good one and one Hawaiian.

The two Hawaiian pizza lovers (HPL for short) will dutifully take a few slices of their Hawaiian pizza. Meanwhile, the other three good pizza lovers (GPL) look in dismay over their slice at this little pizza that has to be divided by the three of them.

Then it happens.. the HPLs decide that they also want to partake of the good pizza too (it is good after all) and take a slice or two each. The GPLs are distraught and hungry over this grave injustice. The end result of this sad situation: two full Hawaiian pizza lovers, three other hungry people, and four slices of unwanted leftover Hawaiian pizza.

_______________________

This is exactly the situation where a Pizza Eaters Code of Conduct is needed. What I propose is this:

Should you be in a group and want a lesser pizza (be it Hawaiian, vegetarian, or really anything not loaded with cheese and meat) you must then consume only that lesser pizza. Once the others have sat back and loosened their belts you may then abandon your lesser pizza and proceed to eat a slice of the greater pizza (Meat Lovers, Canadian, etc.).

Your comments are welcome. Oh, and Stephen Harper, if you have dropped by again, please talk to your guys about bringing this into law.

Ugly Tie Week

Last week was last week of the academic part of our year, it was also the last week of formal wear. During the summer the office gets a bit more casual (read: shorts and t-shirt). So in honour of the last week of classes, I followed my annual tradition of Ugly Tie Week.


Ellie helping smooth my beautiful tie. People can’t help but touch this tie!


The Grocery Store Tie

Anatomy of a Tourist

How to spot a tourist
Look for these key identifiable marks:

  • Large sun hat (Tilley hats are best and a sure sign of a true tourist)
  • Big camera
  • Backpack for sunscreen, snacks, extra camera gear, plus other stuff for every contingency.
  • Water bottle attached to the backpack
  • Shorts (pants that zip off at the knees are best and a sure sign of a true tourist)
  • Sandals
  • White legs (glowing white if he is coming from a Canadian winter)

Some of the students (Maressa) pointed out that I looked like the perfect stereotype of a tourist on our recent trip to Jamaica.

Well.. if the sandal fits…

Where is a donkey when you need one..

This morning we read the Christmas story from the gospels of Luke and Matthew. I started thinking about how the traditional nativity stories feature a pregnant Mary riding on a donkey the day before Jesus is born and about how uncomfortable that would be for a pregnant woman (not that I could really know, but hypothetically speaking). I wonder if a lengthy donkey ride would help induce labour.

The baby countdown clock has reached zero today.. but still no baby. Naomi is perhaps wishing that we had a donkey that could help move things along for us.